I feel like a piece of shit. Not because I am, but I can easily make myself looking like that. The small, cute city of Lund was full of hopes when I arrived, and every single day I was thinking I am getting closer to make things real. Soon I realized it's not like that. It just appears to be perfect, altough it's not even close.
When I wake up, I think. Afterwards, I forget.
It wasn't meant to be like this. It wasn't.
To have what I have right now, you have to sacrifice a lot. A looooot.
What did I sacrifice ? Nothing. So I am suffering now. My world is suffering because of my weak will.
I just need to divide. Divide and conquer.
I just need the power and will to do this.
I wonder if I ever will get there. I started to have doubts, which I never had in my entire life. They are scaring me. They make me ask the question;
I need to move. Maybe not the biggest steps I used to take all the time, but some steps need to be taken. Otherwise, I'm gonna fall down. Fall down very hard, and I will feel pain, a lot of pain. Maybe it will be impossible to recover myself afterwards. To prevent this fall, I just need to take a trip. A trip to the inner me.
Like they say;
"Den längsta resan är resan innat."
I have the solution, from the beginning, I have it. I just need to put it into action. On the backside of my iPod, I say: "think.always."
Maybe now I should add something into that;
Ümit Selahattin Öner